Saturday, July 08, 2006

Just being....

I suppose I have reached the point in my life where I am not "needed" as much as I used to be. My daughter will be 18 soon and she has been making all of her own choices and filling her own needs these days. Quite honestly she wants to do things on her own, she is becoming more and more independent. This is a place that I prayed she would get too and lo and behold she seems to be there now. She works full time and mostly would rather spend free time with her friends than her Mom. It's natural..I wanted and did the same thing at her age. Her life is right where it is supposed to be.

So here it is Saturday..Husband does his own thing on Saturday and I have the day virtually to myself to do basically whatever I please. I don't work on weekends, so I put aside my chores like cleaning and food shopping, and did MY own thing today. I didn't HAVE to do anything FOR anybody!

I went shopping for not terribly necessary items, which is always fun and then I went to a movie. Came home, made a homemade Flan (with the new flan mold I bought at Bed, Bath & Beyond).

My missive here is not to recount my daily activities today but to write how good it feels to be able to have this time to myself. Didn't feel lonely, didn't feel like "They don't need me anymore".. I realized as I was driving along listening to Pink Floyd and NOT top 40... that I am no longer defined by my being a mother. My life no longer revolves around my daughter. Oh I am still involved and she and I have a very good relationship...but...I can finally be ME again!

I posted earlier that I am going on a week long vacation by myself. Not to get away from my family, but simply to go and do something for me..visit my family and friends. Drive by myself, listen to the radio, sing loudly, take the scenic route...stop for lunch....whatever I feel like at the moment.

When I met my husband, I was in my 20's...liked to party and have FUN..traveled, had a good time. By the time I was 30, I had a child and happily my life had a new chapter..wife and mother..and I gave myself over to it. I loved it. Loved being involved in scouts, school, whatever.

Now though I am excited about this latest chapter and all that it could possibly hold for me. I've grown up, my child has grown marriage is good and strong and my husband supports my new independence (as long as I don't stray too far...he likes having me around and I like hanging around with him too, that's another post for another time..)

I guess, I am just comfortable in my own skin..just being leelee...again


puerileuwaite said...

Leelee, good for you. You go, girl.

And I'm so relieved to read the "comfortable in my own skin" comment. Especially since I just viewed "Silence of the Lambs" again recently. People SHOULD be comfortable in their own damned skin ...

Have a great time, and for heaven's sake, PLEASE stay out of those roadside biker bars. I shouldn't have to write this EVERYTIME you take a trip somewhere, missy.

leelee said...

PW...I have to laugh you called me missy! so parental..and why SHOULD I stay out of those biker bars??..I mean last time I got away just in time..barely a scratch..I'm fast when I need to be. Gee vacation is just no fun without tempting certain death..or at least dismemberment.

Angel2Bitch said...

My son is 20, in college but still lives at home. We rarely see him....usually just at dinner which I make them attend. Dammit, if I cook it, someone is sitting their butts at the table and eating it.
He has his first full time job this summer which has left my days totally mine own. Something I haven't had since 1985. It's very relaxing and peaceful.
I gotta did you get your husband to go along with a solo vacation? I've been trying for years!!!

leelee said...

I hear you about making dinner and n=having your family eat. My Daughter came home from work the other day..Her Dad and I had prepared a whole mess of food, based on the conversation we'd had earllier in the day:

me: will you be joing us for dinner tonight?

her: yes, I get out of work at 5

me: ok then

fast forward to 5. Child breezes in and says:

her: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I already ate

me: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

anyway, you get the picture.

As far as hubs letting me go solo? I basically told him I was going to visit friends and family...did he want to join me? Got a rather dead eye stare in return...hubs doesn't like to "visit" so he politely declined. Daughter has to I go!

I'm free! I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

do I sound a bit too overzealous?